We Only See Reality in Part, and This Is Meant to Humble Us

We’re often blind to the forces that shape us and others, and this is often never more apparent than when we are locked in a disagreement with someone. Unfortunately, part of possessing blind spots means that we are blind to our own blindness. There is nothing wrong with being finite and possessing limitations. The problem comes if, in our blindness, we adamantly assert that we do see the whole picture.

Before we are ever faced with a potential tense disagreement with someone else, we are shaped by external influences more than we recognize and more than we might care to admit. We like to think of ourselves as blank slates or as individuals capable of seeing through things that might otherwise cloud the perception and judgment of most people. That is pride if we think that we are the exception. Our families, our friends, our geography, economics, politics, social media, growing up in wartime or peacetime, etc. – all of these things and more profoundly affect us. To believe otherwise is to be like the fish that says, “What’s water?”

This plays itself out when we are engaging with someone who thinks differently than we do, and perhaps is quite verbal about it. Often we argue about a political policy, the social implications of a particular cultural topic, or even a theologically divisive issue without knowing much about the other person or how they came to their conclusions. We may think we are merely debating the “facts of the matter,” but we come away frustrated because the other person “just can’t see things objectively.” We fail to understand what Tim Cooper says: “People are not walking sets of ideas—pristine, changeless, and unaffected by the circumstances of life.” (Cooper, When Christians Disagree, 70) Our backgrounds and contexts play an important part. On top of that, personality plays a role, one that can demand as much attention as the presenting issue up for debate. We cannot fully separate ourselves from those factors, and neither can the people we come into contact with. God has created us to be impressionable (in the best sense of the word).

Proverbs 20:5 says, “Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person of understanding will draw it out.” Even though this verse is primarily about patiently mining wisdom from wise individuals around us, there is a parallel when it comes to engaging in disagreements with those around us. Namely, there are shaping influences that deeply form a person, but an individual of understanding will steadily seek to understand what those influences are. This will take time and demands humility and endurance. We ought to still seek to have our convictions, undergirded with logic and kindness. But when we realize we’re not as “non-partisan” or as open-minded as we would like to believe, this helps us not only hold some of our own opinions with a loose grip, but also to treat others with more charity, respect, and curiosity.

This post is the first in a series deriving from the “Staying Friends Through Disagreement” seminar that took place at Rocky Creek in April 2026. If you’d like to receive the PDF note packet and audio version of that seminar, you may email allen@rockycreek.church.