Imitating the Perfect Parent

In my reading and reflecting through the Psalms, I’ve recently come across Psalm 119:75-76. It says, “I know, O LORD, that your regulations are fair; you disciplined me because I needed it. Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant.” Psalm 119 as a whole extols the beauty and goodness of God’s character and the requirements he gives us. But in these two verses, I want to “double-click” specifically on what they tell us about God and the implications for those of us who are parents (especially of children who are still in our homes).

Notice first what the psalmist admits. He confesses that God’s standards are fair. This meant that when God disciplined him for disobedience, the psalmist deserved it. And beyond deserving it, he needed it. In other words, God’s discipline was good for him. Scripture echoes this from cover to cover (e.g., Prov. 3:11-12; Hebrews 12:11). God’s discipline was actually proof of loving the psalmist.

Second (and perhaps more importantly), notice what follows the declaration of the goodness of God’s tough love. Following the discipline, the psalmist pleads, “Now let your unfailing love comfort me.” It’s as if a child has just told his wise parent, “What you did was right, and I acknowledge that my discipline was warranted. But now…now, would you please hold me close? I need to know that we are ok; that my disobedience won’t diminish your love for me.”

If you are a parent (or, for that matter, any adult who is influential in the life of any child), it is worth meditating on these verses – first, relative to our own relationship with the Lord and, second, for the sake of how we relate to the young hearts that we have an outsized influence on. Most of us would likely say “Amen!” to the “you disciplined me because I needed it” part. But for the psalmist, this was only half of his prayer to God. Do we let our child’s disobedience then create a wedge (partly of our making) between us and them? Or do we move towards them calmly and deliberately to quiet them with our love?

One New Testament expression of this occurs in the church at Corinth. The apostle Paul calls upon the Corinthian believers to carry out church discipline for a man who had committed high-handed, egregious sin (1 Cor. 5). God’s regulations were fair; this individual broke them in a flaunting manner, and he needed discipline. But then later in 2 Cor. 2:5-8, Paul, in referring to this same individual, exemplifies Ps. 119:76. This man had apparently responded rightly to the church discipline. He had repented. And now Paul tells the church, “Now…it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement. So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him.”

Do you see the parallel? What the psalmist says to God in Psalm 119:75-76 gets fleshed out and embodied by a group of believers in real time in 2 Cor. 2:5-8. The psalmist pleads for God to affirm his love in a felt way. Paul presses the Corinthian church to make this love of God tangible in the life of the man. Paul knew that God’s forgiveness and acceptance are real on their own merits, but he also knew this: that God is spirit and cannot be seen directly. God’s people take what is invisible to our eyes and make it visible to our hearts. For the man who had been in sin, his ability to embrace God’s comfort was tied to how the church would respond.

This is no less true in our parenting endeavors. When we live out Psalm 119:76, our children come away thinking, “If my parent (who I can see and talk with) is able to love me despite my sins and weaknesses, then just maybe God does as well.” This is a high calling as a parent. At times it may feel like an impossible one. Perhaps we need Psalm 119:75-76 for ourselves as much as our children do.