How to Deal with Conflict: Part II
How to Deal with Conflict: Part II
Understanding Conflict from a Biblical Perspective
- Genesis 3:16-17 – He said to the woman: I will intensify your labor pains; you will bear children with painful effort. Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you. And he said to the man, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘Do not eat from it’: The ground is cursed because of you. You will eat from it by means of painful labor all the days of your life
- Sin is the heart of all conflict in the world
- James 4:1–3 – What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.
- Conflict comes from desires and unmet expectations.
- Proverbs 13:10 – Arrogance leads to nothing but strife, but wisdom is gained by those who take advice.
- Pride breeds’ conflict.
- Matthew 7:3–5 – Why do you look at the splinter in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the beam of wood in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a beam of wood in your own eye? Hypocrite! First take the beam of wood out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the splinter out of your brother’s eye.
- Self-examination comes before confrontation.
- Romans 14:19 – So then, let us pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.
- Pursue peace and mutual edification.
Conflict itself is not sinful, but how we handle it determines whether it becomes a source of sin or a means of sanctification.
Types of Conflict:
- Internal Conflict
- Guilt vs obedience
- Fear vs. desire
- Job vs family
- Interpersonal Conflict
- Misunderstandings
- Communication breakdowns
- Structural Conflict
- Leadership roles
- Expectations
Biblical Example: Paul and Barnabas — Acts 15:36–41
- Two godly leaders clashed over John Mark.
- Result: separation—but kingdom expansion.
- God redeemed the conflict later (2 Timothy 4:11).
Lesson:
Conflict handled maturely can multiply ministry rather than destroy relationships.
Personal Conflict Preparation Model
PRAY
- Ask God to search your heart.
EVALUATE
- Is this a preference issue?
- Is this a principal issue? Ex. “innocent until proven guilty”
- Is this a moral issue? Ex. “murdering is sinful”
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
- Admit your contribution to the conflict.
CORRECT
- Approach the person with humility rather than accusation.
Modern Illustration:
A father reacts harshly during discipline. The child withdraws.
Later, father prays and acknowledges: “I was wrong.”
Relationship is restored.
Biblical Steps for Resolving Church Conflict
Matthew 18:15–17
Framework - If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.
- Private conversation
- One or two witnesses
- Church leadership involvement
- Loving discipline if necessary
Church Illustration:
A disagreement over youth ministry’s direction leads to gossip.
Biblical solution:
- Address directly
- Pray with leadership
- Refuse divisive speech
What Stokes Conflict:
- Gossip (Proverbs 16:28- A contrary person spreads conflict, and a gossip separates close friends)
- Side-taking (1 Corinthians 1:12–13)
- Silent resentment/bitterness (Hebrews 12:15)
Culture of Peace & Restoration
Scripture:
- 2 Corinthians 5:18 – Ministry of reconciliation.
- Matthew 5:9 – Peacemakers blessed.
- Romans 12:21 – Overcome evil with good.
Building a Peace Culture:
- Teach forgiveness
- Celebrate humility
- Model reconciliation
- Address conflict early
- Pray regularly in unity
Biblical Illustration
Jesus and Peter — John 21
- Peter failed Jesus publicly.
- Jesus restored him tenderly and privately.
- Conflict healed through reaffirmed love and calling.
Final Questions
Q: What is the goal of all conflict resolution?
A: Restoration, not winning arguments.
Concluding Kingdom Principles
- Conflicts reveal unmet needs
- Humility invites reconciliation
- Communication builds bridges
- Forgiveness releases healing
- Christ remains our model
The greatest example of reconciliation we have is Jesus Christ, who reconciled people with God through his sacrificial love. If Christ can forgive rebellious people like us, then we too should be able to reconcile others through love, grace, mercy and truth.
