How to Deal with Conflict: Part 1

The Situations

• In this fallen world, we are plagued by conflicts and confrontations 
• Managing conflict can be difficult. Some people try to avoid it because they feel uncomfortable or lack the necessary skills.
• Most people seek counselling for three reasons: 
  
  1. to cope with trials and suffering
  2. to address personal sin
  3. to resolve interpersonal conflicts.
• Throughout the Bible, we see how God deals with the conflict caused by sinful people and does not shy away.

• He provides us with an example of how conflicts should be addressed in a way that glorifies him.
• God confronted Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Cain after he killed his brother, Moses for disobeying the command to speak to the rock, the Israelites for their spiritual adultery, Jonah for his disobedience and David for his sin with Bathsheba. Jesus confronted the devil during his temptation, his apostles for their misplaced priorities and the religious leaders for their hypocrisy and self-righteousness. The Church disciplined Ananias and Sapphira.

• We are commanded to gently and lovingly exhort, rebuke and instruct our fellow Christians. 

• When exhortation is not practiced within the church, it is usually not a question of biblical clarity, but of difficulty and emotional involvement on the part of those involved in the conflict.

• When we avoid dealing with conflict in a biblical way, we limit our spiritual maturity.

The Scriptures

• The heart of Conflict 
  
  • James 4:1-4 - What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is the source not your pleasures that wage war in your body’s parts? 2 You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. And you are envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend what you request on your pleasures
  • James was implying that believers would be at war with each other.
  • The main reason for conflict among believers is failing to deny our sinful desires and passions and follow Jesus.

• The origin of conflicts 
  
  • Genesis 3:6-7- So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
  • When sin entered the world through Adam and Eve, their relationship became strained immediately. 
  • Sin has affected every aspect of our hearts and minds, and it is these that control our will.
  • Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
• Confrontation as a Commandment 
  
  • Galatians 6:1 - Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
  • Confrontation is not something we should do; it is something we are commanded to do.
  • How not to confront someone: via social media, text message or indirectly through another person. 
  • Be careful not to confuse not handling conflict with peace. 
  • We are called to pursue peace wherever possible (Romans 12:18; Hebrews 1:14; 1 Peter 4:8).
• Confrontation as an act of love 
  
  • Proverbs 3:11-12 - My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
  • Discipline matures us, and God primarily disciplines us through the body of Christ.
  • Although we accept the discipline of our parents, we sometimes struggle with that of the Lord. (Hebrews 12:5-11)
• True peace can only be found in biblical truth.
  
  • 1 Corinthians 1:10 - I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.
  • Having biblical peace does not mean that we agree with everyone on everything, but that we agree on the essentials and embrace our differences.

The Steps

• Pray
  
  • Pray for everyone involved in the conflict.
• Acknowledge
  
  • Take responsibility for your role in the conflict. Sometimes we are 10% to blame for the problem, and other times we are 95% to blame. The reality of any confrontation is that we are not perfect, neither in how we react nor in how we respond. 
  • We tend to externalize problems by blaming others instead of evaluating ourselves. 
• Meditate  
  
  • Understand that conflict is an inevitable part of the fallen world in which we live, and that we are all works in progress.
  • God uses conflict to reveal sinful patterns and encourage spiritual growth.
  • Remember that Christ shed his blood for that person. If Christ accepts them, we cannot reject them.
• Respond
  
  • Learn the difference between reacting and responding.
  • Learn how to lovingly and biblically deal with conflict, as this is a biblical command that we must obey. 
  • Take full responsibility for your role in the conflict.

‍