Listening as Extension of the Incarnation

What comes to your mind when you consider the importance of listening? Perhaps “importance” and “listening” have never even been paired up in the same sentence of your imagination. Perhaps listening is a concept that seems important, but in the way that eating vegetables is important (i.e., you know it’s good for you, but it’s never accompanied by any fanfare). Perhaps listening is something it seems good to give lip service to, but in reality, you lump it with weakness or passivity. Perhaps being a good listener is something you like, but it just seems too hard to get better at.

Listening is a skill, but it is a virtue first. In other words, some people may be more naturally better at it than others, but primarily it’s a matter of character. If someone wants to grow in this area and is willing to humbly put in the work, they will improve.

As Christians, we ought to care more than anyone about the value of listening well. Proverbs 12:15 states, “A stubborn fool considers his own way the right one, but a person who listens to advice is wise.” Listening is associated with wisdom. God himself is a listening God. “Years passed, and the king of Egypt died. But the Israelites continued to groan under their burden of slavery. They cried out for help, and their cry rose up to God. God heard their groaning, and he remembered his covenant promise to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” (Exodus 2:23-24). The psalmist says of God, “Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!” (Ps. 116:2) Furthermore, in one sense, our entire faith is predicated on God’s listening. He saw and heard our plight with our greatest enemy, sin. When Jesus came to earth as a human being (the Incarnation), he lived his entire life incarnationally (he entered into the messiness and hurts of people’s lives). He became sin (2 Cor. 5:21) on our behalf. “Jesus hears” is representative of his comprehensive care for desperate humanity. So how we — as Jesus’s ambassadors — demonstrate a posture of listening to those around us is of massive importance.

When it comes to why good listening is so important in interacting with others, biblical counselor Brad Hambrick states, “Listening is a skill that is most difficult when it is most necessary.” In other words, certain people can be quite difficult to love, and even people who are relatively easy to be around can be challenging if a particular issue of disagreement arises. It’s at those times that the value of listening charitably and sincerely is elevated. This is true because these are the moments of decision where the outcome can go one way or another. Will we walk away from this person? Will they feel heard by us? Will straw-manning someone’s position dishonor that person and kill a conversation before it even starts? Will we view this person one-dimensionally (i.e., view their whole person through one aspect of their personality or character that we dislike)? Hambrick adds, “The vast majority of communication problems are listening problems, not expression problems.” If this is true, then speaking is important, but it pales in comparison to the weight and priority of listening well to honor another person.

So how do we do this? How do we become better, more Christ-like listeners of people? The following suggestions are far from exhaustive, and they should be tailored to their context. Relationships are not math problems. They are far more complex than two plus two equals four.

First, listen to people like you’re taking a prayer request. If you’ve ever asked someone how you can pray for them, what was your physical posture like? In all likelihood, you did several things. You put your smartphone away. Your body was turned squarely to them (or if you were sitting next to them, you at least turned your torso towards them). Your eyes were on them. You attempted to tune out background noise. You nodded your head or gave indication via facial cues that you were paying attention. That person was your priority in that moment. When you did speak, you likely tried to mirror their emotional posture (e.g., you didn’t laugh if they were tearful). Now, not every interaction needs to be quite that serious, but a typical interaction should likely be closer to that than its opposite (e.g., rushing past the person, not making eye contact, talking over them, etc.).

Second (and this is likely even more important when interacting with difficult personalities or topics), allow yourself to be made pliable by what they’re telling you. Don’t be “brittle” or stiff. Even if you dislike or disagree with something they’re saying, is there anything they are telling you that you can agree with or engage with further? Theologian Gavin Ortlund says the following:

“Good listening requires a posture of openness: a willingness to be maneuvered by the information we are receiving. Consider the words ‘open to reason’ in James’ description of heavenly wisdom: ‘the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere’ (James 3:17). According to James, part of wisdom is the ability to be reasoned with.”

When people feel unheard, shut down, or maligned for their views, in all likelihood they are not so much hurt by being disagreed with as much as they are upset for not being given a genuine hearing. Put yourself in their shoes. It feels terrible when the loud impression given is that someone is not taking you seriously. They have not “entered your world,” asked clarifying questions, or given the vibe that they care about you, independent of your opinions, personality, socio-economic status, etc.

Let’s remember that Jesus entered our world in more ways than one. He wasn’t “just passing through.” He walked with people. He took his time. He had compassion — and by definition, each person his heart went out to was far different from him than the people around us are different from us. Do you want His love to pour through you to others? This is a good start. Ask him to increase this desire in your heart. Then, go listen to someone.

This post is the sixth in a series deriving from the “Staying Friends Through Disagreement” seminar that took place at Rocky Creek in April 2026. If you’d like to receive the PDF note packet and audio version of that seminar, you may email allen@rockycreek.church.